


if the moon fell down

by ksmalltalk



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:40:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24220723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksmalltalk/pseuds/ksmalltalk
Summary: when insomnia settles in, Buck finds himself becoming candid in the middle of the night. drabble/ficlet
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 87





	if the moon fell down

Buck isn’t sure what time it is but he knows without a doubt that he should have been asleep a while ago. Beside him Eddie’s snores softly, perfectly content after the two of them put Chris to bed some time ago. He stares absently at the ceiling before deciding his restless body needs to move.

He gets out of bed as stealthily as he can, doing his best not to disturb Eddie’s rest. He glances at the man once before leaving the room and padding quietly down the hall. Buck opens the door to Christopher’s room and pauses in the door frame. As expected, the boy is sound asleep like his father but Buck still watches over him for a few moments and smiles at the sight. This kid is without a doubt his favorite in the world. He looks over at the cork board on Chris’ wall. Tacked up are his drawings with all the usual suspects, himself included.

Smiling to himself, Buck returns to Eddie’s room and slips under the covers once more, turning on his side to face his boyfriend. If Eddie were to wake up right now, Buck is certain he’d tease him mercilessly for watching him as he slept but Buck can’t help it. Eddie’s face is simply one of his favorite things and he’ll take advantage of any and all opportunities to gaze upon it. He loves how relaxed Eddie looks when he sleeps. Buck know firsthand just how much of a marathon the man’s life is each day. Between caring for Chris and working long hours at such a dangerous job, getting a few hours of worth of decent rest is the very least he deserves. 

Buck can’t help but to wonder what thoughts ran through Eddie’s mind now. Selfishly he hopes he’s making an appearance in the man’s dreams. Lord knows Eddie runs through his all the time. Buck marvels at how young Eddie looks. Unperturbed and at complete ease, all the concerns that otherwise take up residence in his head are at bay. The pinch of skin between his eyebrows that typically springs up periodically is smoothed out now. Buck watches the steady rise and fall of Eddie’s chest, captivated by the machinery that keeps the man he loves running. It’s almost painful to look at Eddie sometimes. More often than not Buck feels overwhelmed by how full his heart is with love and adoration for this man.

Suddenly he truly is overcome by the feeling. The dull ache in his chest grows despite his best efforts to keep it at a distance. Buck stifles a sob, grateful that Eddie is still snoozing beside him and can’t see him now. Christ, what is wrong with me? Buck thinks. There’s nothing to be sad over and yet he can’t seem to stop himself from shedding tears now. This isn’t the response he expects to have. He knows that in this moment he is happier than he’s ever been and yet—

Buck sniffles and sits upright, scrubbing at his eyes to make it stop but he quickly realizes it’s a losing battle. Coming undone like this was absolutely not in his game plan but the disconnect between his brain and his body now are making it impossible for him to control it.

“Buck,” Eddie says groggily. “You okay?”

Buck curses inwardly. He hadn’t even realized Eddie woke up. “Shh, go back to sleep,” Buck whispers, keeping his head down to hide his face.

Eddie sits upright slowly in bed before turning to switch on the lamp on the nightstand. 

“You’re crying,” he says. “Buck what’s wrong? What happened?”

The concern is etched into Eddie’s feature so sharply Buck can only feel guilty for it. This was the last thing he wanted. Eddie was always a million things at once. At three in the morning he should be fast asleep.

“I’m okay, seriously,” Buck tries once more, drawing in a breath and attempting to collect himself.

Whatever expression was on Buck’s face clearly wasn’t convincing enough as Eddie reaches a hand to his face and gentle strokes his cheek, wiping away a stray tear.

“Yeah, real convincing argument,” he counters, not unkindly. “Did something happen? Are you okay? Is Maddie alright?”

Buck intervenes quickly, not wanting Eddie’s escalating thoughts to spiral even further.

“Everyone is fine, I swear. I’m good, Eddie. I’m just…really happy,” he chuckles. “I promise.”

For the first time in minutes Eddie relaxes and Buck swears the smile that breaks across the man’s face is like a sunrise on a snowy day. It’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen and he’s grateful he’s the reason for such a sight.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Buck continues. “I don’t know why but I just feel so wired tonight. I went to check on Chris and I got back here and just started looking at you and it felt— I don’t know, it’s stupid,” he says dismissively, shaking his head.

“If you’re feeling it, I don’t think it’s stupid,” Eddie presses. “Go on.”

Reassured, Buck looks Eddie directly in his warm brown eyes. With this man in his corner, he knows that he can do or say anything and that includes being candid at such an hour.  
“It’s just that I didn’t think I could ever have any of this and now, it’s my life each and every day. It’s insane to go from having nothing to everything. You changed all that for me and I don’t wanna lose it. I can’t afford to.”

Eddie’s brows furrow at the last bit. “Whoa, who said anything about this going away?”

“It always ends, my relationships. Either I’m too much or not enough. I’ve got too much invested here. I’m not sure I’ll be able to bounce back and that scares the hell out me.”  
Eddie places his hands on both sides of Buck’s face, forcing his attention solely on him as he speaks. 

“You are exactly what I want. You’re exactly what I need. I’m not going anywhere, Buck, do you hear me? Do you think I could survive losing you? Or Chris for that matter? You’re loved, Evan. So deeply and fully. Please don’t ever doubt that.”

Buck’s vision blurs as more tears fill his eyes. It’s so easy to believe in what Eddie’s saying. Buck hates that voice of doubt that whispers in his ear every now and then. But looking at Eddie, he knows what the truth is, he knows which voice he can believe in.

“I love you,” Buck says quietly.

The wavering image of Eddie leans forward and places a kiss on his forehead, lingering for a moment before brushing his nose softly against Buck’s.

“I love you, too. And I plan on spending the rest of my life showing you.”


End file.
